after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
