I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
