The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
