careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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