I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
