I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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