SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
