I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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