did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
