the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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