my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
