remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
