dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
