I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
