A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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