I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
