I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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