I'm so fucking centered right now
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
