we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
