ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Damn victory sex feels great
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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