Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
