I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
