I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
