i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
