i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
