Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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