Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
