Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
