is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You made out with two different species that night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
