I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
