how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
