I have demons in me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
