ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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