She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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