i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
