the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
