Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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