I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
