Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
