I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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