he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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