if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pooping to opera.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
