I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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