Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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