That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
