why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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