Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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