youre lurking in front of me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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