Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
