it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's shark week go big or go home
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
