I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
